Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
