yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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