If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
