Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Randomize
