Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
