i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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