She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
