i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
