why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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