there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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