oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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