I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize