is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
