there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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