You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize