I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
