I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I met the friendliest cop last night
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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