I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
