i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
