why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
someone owes me an orgasm
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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