My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
