One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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