i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
