me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
