We're like a lot better than the average bears
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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