My sheets look like a crime scene.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
