apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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