OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
