Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
