I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
