a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
dude. I can hear the air.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
