I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Please don't give away my fajitas
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
