I think my fart just growled at me.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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