You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The feeling are messing with the penis
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
