well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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