If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
