He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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