she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
