found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
