Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
