im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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