if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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