I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
