Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
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