as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
