Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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