Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
