exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
