someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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