Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize