I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
