Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
