Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
