you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
