If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
