um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
