What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize