You made me cry and you don't even care
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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