My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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