where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize