I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
