i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
