I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
