Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
