just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
