I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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