There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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