I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
