She is in my trunk
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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