just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
