Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
