Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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