I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
