I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
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