He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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