Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
tequila makes me forget i have legs
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Vodka?
Forever.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
