i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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