It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize