The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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