we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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