The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
