I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
