Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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