it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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