I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
