but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize