I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
