Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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