Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
