things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
