Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
