i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
