FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My feet surprised me
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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