i love accidental penises.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
