I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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