Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
