so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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