the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
