just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
