I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize