I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
