From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
