put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
