guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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