Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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