Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
