Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
