do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize